Sex, Sex, NO Sex?

Sex is everywhere.


We all agree that sex is a major part of a marital relationship.  However, determining the role of sex and navigating how to handle sex in a dating relationship can be tricky.

There is quite a bit of prevailing wisdom out there concerning when and how a couple should become physically intimate.  The rules range from having sex on the first date “if there is chemistry” to the” three date rule” for those who are a bit more guarded. Then there is Steve Harvey’s  wildly popular and infamous advice: “don’t give up the cookie for 90 days.”

So what do you do?

…Or maybe you’ve been in a serious, committed and monogamous relationship for 9 months, AND engaged for a year—surely this discussion doesn’t affect your relationship.

But it does…

Chapter 5 of So You THINK You Want To Get Married, addresses the issue of premarital sex from a biblical perspective:

“God requires singles to be sexually pure, both physically and emotionally, until marriage. Sexual purity means abstaining from all sexual activity until marriage. This includes pornography, masturbation, oral sex, excessive sexual thoughts and conversations.”


Total and complete sexual abstinence is what the Bible calls for from the unmarried.  Sex outside of marriage is sin.  It is a sin that dishonors God and dishonors your fiancé. When you engage in sexual sin, continuously and after you know God’s standard—your view of your mate, sex and intimacy become jaded.  You alter God’s intentions for sex, lose the spiritual blessings sex in marriage yields and will reap the consequences of sin.

Soooo.. let’s talk about it:
Respond to one of the questions below or pose your own.

1) I understand that sex in marriage is wrong, but we were already doing it before we learned that it was a sin.  What should we do now?

2)  It’s hard to believe that a couple headed for marriage in today’s society is expected to completely abstain from sex.  Sex in a relationship is normal. What are the “consequences” for having sex and why don’t I see anyone else suffering from these “consequences?”

3)  A couple is supposed to be compatible in every way in order to get married right?  Shouldn’t a couple have a healthy sexual relationship before they get married to ensure sexual compatibility? If we don’t have sex, how do we know we are sexually compatible?

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